Pack up and Leave
I wish I could do that. I wouldn't exactly say that I'm unhappy because generally I am (happy)... I think. But something is missing and I cannot single it out. I do not know if a love interest would make me any happier. I think I just need to feel purposeful, accomplished and high-flying. I dont want to be an average Jane whose routine is predictable by almost any passing stranger. I'm born for greater things, I keep reminding myself... but for what?!I'm bored. I'm reading the Alchemist and this guy I met at white water rafting (he was actually the captain) seems to be rubbing it in. And if I really want to profess the teachings in the book, which are very much mystical than anything else, I'd say that this is an omen. Or maybe it's just my imagination playing tricks on my mind again.
Life is one part making decisions and the other - executing them. And if there's one thing I suck at it's deciding. There goes half of my life! I cannot even decide on a notebook. It's taken me months and it seems far from materialising. I want to have everything. And everything means nothing to a budding middle-class young executive. Thus, I cannot possibly decide on what I really want to do with my life. And I'm afraid to try because I'm aging (yeah, let's beat the crap out of everyone who says life begins at 40 'cos hell no, it doesn't) and it might be too late to mess around because then I wont have enough time to pull together and buck up for the realities and death.
And I'm a dreamer which aggravates matters because despite being completely aware that they are just fantasies, somehow I pin my hopes on them coming true someday (soon).
It may seem illustrious to be doing those fancy extraordinary things you read about people doing. But they are ILLUSTRIOUS; meant to be illustrated, not real, not 3D. And I have values that are so strong, it's overpowering any will to venture into the unknown; to see life with a different pair of eyes and risk being utterly unhappy.
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